Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
