omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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