I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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