I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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