Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
