Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
