final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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