dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
