I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
