I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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