Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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