whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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