Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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