remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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