My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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