So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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