Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
