Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
