Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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