I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We're too hungover to prance.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
