some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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