nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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