before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
