That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well you can't waste a boner
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How does one acquire holy water?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
