One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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