Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
