i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He better not be in your backpack
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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