I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
