so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
