"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My vagina just recognized that song.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
