I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
