Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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