So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
