I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
