Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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