Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
