She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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