i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
