that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had sex on a dog bed..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
