Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
