C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
