I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
