When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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