OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
