Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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