Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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