Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
false alarm, still single
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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