she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no you cant smoke seaweed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
