K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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