We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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