I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
