the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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