FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
