Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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