There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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