Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
