you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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