You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
