i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
