absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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