I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
