The maid of honor just puked.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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