he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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