I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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