I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
