who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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