I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
