I feel great
I just peed on a car
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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