Please, let me fuck your mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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