there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
