I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
