It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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