it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
